If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
