do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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