i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
