I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
