Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
