I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
