I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
