Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
