And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
