Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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