ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
