I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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