This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize