i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Drunk is a universal language darling
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
