Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
