my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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