Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Randomize