Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
