Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Randomize
