Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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