So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
