Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
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