I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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