At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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