I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
