I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
