My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
