my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
