No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
