Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
