I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize