My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
