i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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