I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
