I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
