I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize