I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
