the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
