hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
