dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
it wasn't lemon gatorade
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
