i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
So squirting runs in the family.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
jump out the window naked night went bad
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