do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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