All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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