Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
