I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
