**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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