He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
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