my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Found your dick twin last night
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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