I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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