I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
and she was petting her beer can
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
