my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
