carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
