And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
