I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
