I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
