How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
