just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
