Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
