I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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