What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
