Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
