whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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