Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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