i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
