The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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