Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
