walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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