do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
My breath smells like gin and sadness
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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