i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
