Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize