Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
