I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
