she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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