Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
