I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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