Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
