This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
