So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
