haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You made out with two different species that night
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
