I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
