I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
