She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
