saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
