I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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